The first time I was introduced to the Duluth Model Power and Control Wheel, it was in therapy. Billy, my therapist, printed it off and handed it to me at the end of a session. I glanced at it barely before sliding it into my purse. I wasn’t looking to jog the trauma I preferred to forget.
The Power and Control wheel serves as a diagram of tactics an abusive partner uses to keep their victims in a relationship. I revisited the wheel printout recently. If I want to reconcile what happened within my nuclear family, my memory bank needs to be aired out and reset. The examples on the wheel were clear, and I was able to pull a correlating memory on near every bullet point.
Smashing things and destroying her property? Check and check.
Calling her names? Sure.
Using jealousy to justify actions? You betcha.
Using visitation to harass her? Why not?
Saying the abuse didn’t happen? What abuse?
It was crazy-making, and staring at the plain black and white handout did little to convey the chaos it is to exist within the confines of the wheel.
So I reached for my colored Sharpies and went to work. I attempted to render a more accurate depiction of what it is to exist within the confines of the Power and Control Wheel.