Coercive control isn’t about what is done to you more than it is about what is taken away from you. Some abusers can exert control over a victim's actions without ever using violence or from only using subtle threats of violence. For me, coercive control took away the ability to express myself, my truth, free from fear. I’m reclaiming my voice with an introduction to a periodical segment titled CC Samplin’ where I’ll pull a coercively controlling quote from the news and call it out.
Current new cycles are riddled with stories of offenders using coercively controlling tactics of abuse. Scandals and crimes of princes, presidents and cute boys next door pass through our every day lives like fast food. We ingest the salty nuggets as satisfying scandals without putting much thought into the language that justifies the abuse.
This morning’s sampling of coercive control in the news, comes courtesy of our former POTUS, Donald Trump, the abusiest of abusers, in his reference to two US senators attempting to convince him to concede to the results of the 2020 election.
Let’s dissect the statements sent via his Save America PAC.
Trump’s first statement comes directly from the coercive control handbook. Deny exactly what happened.
"I spent virtually no time with Senators Mike Lee of Utah, or Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, talking about the 2020 Presidential Election Scam or, as it is viewed by many, the 'Crime of the Century.’” The lie comes out with ease. Deny, deny, deny.
In his second statement,"Lindsey and Mike should be ashamed of themselves for not putting up the fight necessary to win," the abuse is two-fold.
It’s a form of Victim Shaming, making victims feel bad about themselves. How could Lindsey and Mike (the Victims) be so short-sighted and inept as to not change the outcome?
It’s a form of Victim Blaming, there is always somebody at fault when an abuser doesn’t get his way. Hint, it’s never the fault of the abuser. The election was not overturned because it was a fair election but because Mike and Graham didn’t do anything to fight the outcome, they are to blame.
Now let’s set this form of victim shaming and blaming within the classically idealized American family unit: Married, Father, Mother, two children. We’ll place them in the exciting new era, the year 2000. The children are small and Mother has been invited to attend an outdoor rock festival. The musical acts playing the festival are not any of Mother’s favorites but a day spent outside on a blanket with friends and music is enticing.
“Free tickets!” The relative to Mother removes any arguments about expense and a Girls Night Out is planned.
When Mother tells Father her plans, his response is quick, “Mothers don’t attend rock festivals.”← 1. Victim Shaming
“Yes, they do,” Mother scoffs at the preposterous statement, and pushes back.
“Good mothers don’t.” ← 2. Victim Blaming
Mother says nothing. She’s shamed not for wanting to attend a music event with friends, but for thinking it’s appropriate, as a young mother, to do so. Father can’t believe he needs to point this obvious fact out to Mother and isn’t sure he can trust her judgement if she thinks this sorta thing is acceptable. Mother concedes to Father and doesn’t attend the festival. The grounds of Mother and Father’s marriage are sown with moral juggernauts planted by Father for Mother to field on a regular basis. They are the seeds of coercive control.
CC Samplin'
Loving your blog.